First Steps: What to do the Week You Separate
A Compassionate Guide for Western Australians
Separation is so much more than just a legal process; it is a profound life transition that reshapes your entire world. Even for couples who have known that their relationship is ending, the actual moment when a partner “walks out the door” brings a wave of intensity that no one can fully prepare for.
When the reality finally hits, the first seven days are often a blur of shock, grief, and a raw sense of survival.
In the midst of this chaos, it is common for strong emotions to take over. When you are feeling hurt, scared, or angry, things can be said or done that cause deep pain and make the separation process much more complicated.
This guide has been prepared to help you think through the essential steps when everything feels uncertain. By following these practical steps, you can protect yourself and your future, even while navigating the emotional storm.
Because Western Australia has its own unique legal system, we will focus specifically on the laws that apply here, which can be different from the rest of Australia.
1. The Human Element: Navigating the Emotional Storm
Before looking at bank accounts or house titles, it is important to acknowledge the mental health impact of a split. Separation is often described as one of the most stressful things a human being can go through.
- The “Fog” of Shock: In the first few days, you might find it hard to eat, sleep, or make simple decisions. This is a normal reaction to a major life change.
- The Weight of Words: Because emotions are so high, it is easy to get into arguments where hurtful things are said. These moments of conflict can sometimes make legal negotiations harder later. Trying to take a breath before responding can help keep a difficult situation from getting worse.
- Impact on Both Sides: Whether you were the one who is leaving or the one being left, both people in a marriage or de facto relationship face a loss of identity and fear about what comes next.
- A Guide Through Chaos: This document is designed to be a steady hand for you to hold while you deal with feelings of uncertainty. It helps you focus on what needs to be done so you don’t have to figure it all out while you are in shock.
2. Safety and Your Home: The Immediate Priority
Your physical and emotional safety, and the safety of your children, must come before everything else. If your relationship has involved violence or threats, the law in Western Australia provides immediate ways to protect you.
Understanding the Family Violence Restraining Order (FVRO)
If you or your children are being subjected to family violence, you may have grounds to apply for a Family Violence Restraining Order (FVRO).
- How it Protects You: An FVRO is a legal document that tells a person they must stay away from you.
- Removing a Perpetrator: If a magistrate grants an FVRO, the Police will hand it to the other person (this is called “serving” the order). This usually means they must leave the house immediately, even if their name is on the mortgage or the lease.
Special Rights for Renters
If you are renting your home, you have specific protections under the Residential Tenancies Act. You should not feel trapped in an unsafe house because of a rental contract.
- The Choice to Stay or Leave: If you are affected by family violence, you can choose whether you want to stay in the home or move somewhere else.
- Ending a Lease: You can end your part of a rental agreement directly with a landlord or property manager if you have evidence of violence.
- Changing the Locks: You can change the locks on your rental home without asking the landlord first if it is necessary to stop a perpetrator from getting in.
- Court Help for Renters: You can ask the Court to remove a perpetrator from the lease so you can stay in the property safely. You can also ask the Court to help settle arguments about unpaid rent or damage to the house caused by the violence.
- Clean Record: There is a process to have your name removed from rental “blacklists” if the problems were caused by family violence.
3. Securing Your Finances: Protecting Your Daily Bread
Money is often a major source of stress during a separation. In the first week, your goal is to “stabilise” your finances so you can afford to live while you work out the bigger details later.
Immediate Banking Steps
- New Personal Account: Open a bank account that is only in your name. Have your wages or government payments sent there.
- Password Security: Change your bank PINs and all your online banking passwords immediately so no one else can access your money.
- Joint Accounts: If it is safe, you should try to close joint bank accounts or cancel “overdraw” facilities (which allow people to spend more than is in the account).
- Credit Cards: Cancel any joint credit cards so you aren’t held responsible for the other person’s spending during this emotional time.
Mortgage and Loans
If you have a home loan, you need to think about how it will be paid until a final agreement is reached.
- Stop the “Redraw”: Many home loans let you take out extra money you’ve already paid off. You should cancel this “redraw” facility or ask the bank to require both people to sign before any money is taken out.
- Financial Hardship: In Australia, if you are struggling to pay your loans because of a relationship breakdown, you have a legal right to ask for a “hardship variation”.
- Bank Flexibility: A bank might let you pay less for a while, pause your payments, or change the length of your loan to make it cheaper.
- Court Orders for Support: If your ex-partner refuses to help pay the mortgage, you can ask the Family Court for an “interim order” to force them to contribute. You can also apply for “interim spousal maintenance” if you cannot support yourself.
4. Organising Your Paperwork: Building Your Evidence
Money is often a major source of stress during a separation. In the first week, your goal is to “stabilise” your finances so you can afford to live while you work out the bigger details later.
To eventually separate your finances for good, you will need to have information. Collecting these documents in the first week, while you still have access to them, will save you a lot of trouble later.
The “Must-Have” List:
- Identity: Marriage certificate, birth certificates (yours and the children’s), and passports.
- Money: Bank statements, credit card statements, and loan papers.
- Work: Tax returns, your Tax File Number, and pay slips.
- Property: Your lease, house deeds, mortgage documents, and car registration.
- Future: Superannuation statements and insurance policies (health, car, home, and life).
- Daily Life: Recent bills for electricity, gas, water, and the internet.
5. Thinking of the Children
While you are dealing with your own shock and grief, your children are also experiencing a major shift.
- School and Daycare: Update your contact details with the school and give them a copy of any parenting agreements or restraining orders so they can keep the children safe.
- Education Costs: Try to work out a plan for who will pay for school fees and uniforms.
- Expert Advice: You can call the Family Relationship Advice line on 1800 050 321 for help with parenting arrangements.
- Parenting Plans: A “Family Dispute Resolution” provider can help you and your ex-partner write down a plan for the kids.
6. Updating Your Life “Admin”
There are many small things that need to be changed to make your separation official and protect your future.
- Services Australia: Talk to them to see if you are entitled to government payments now that you are a single-income household.
- Wills and Power of Attorney: Update these immediately. In Western Australia, a separation doesn’t always change your Will, so your ex-partner might still be legally entitled to your estate if something happens to you.
- Superannuation: Update your beneficiary (the person who gets your money) to ensure it goes to the right person.
- Removing Your Name: Remove your name from any bills, loans, or agreements that are not your responsibility.
Quick Tip: The “Cooling Off” Period
Because emotions are so high this week, try not to make any permanent promises about your property or furniture yet. Focus on safety and basic finances first.
The First Week Checklist
- Safety: Do I need an FVRO for myself or the kids?
- Housing: Have I updated my lease or changed the locks if needed?
- Income: Is my pay going into a new, private bank account?
- Security: Have I changed my banking PINs and passwords?
- Banks: Have I stopped the “redraw” on the mortgage?
- Documents: Have I collected my birth certificate, tax records, and bank statements?
- Children: Has the school been updated about the situation?
- Future: Have I updated my Will and Superannuation beneficiary?
Finding Your Way Through the Fog
As you reach the end of this first week, it is important to take a moment to breathe. Even with a checklist in hand, the emotional and mental health impact of separation can feel like a heavy weight.
It is completely normal to feel exhausted, overwhelmed, or even a bit lost. You are navigating one of life’s biggest changes, and you do not have to be “perfect” at it.
To manage the stress of this transition, remember to be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with people who listen without judging, and don’t be afraid to speak to a counsellor or a GP if the “separation fog” feels too thick.
Taking care of your mind is just as important as taking care of your bank account. When you are mentally supported, you can make better, clearer decisions for your future and for your children.
While this guide helps you manage the immediate chaos, the road ahead involves many legal “forks in the road.” Decisions you make now about your house, your debts, and your children will affect your life for years to come.
Because Western Australian law is unique, getting the right advice early can prevent painful mistakes and give you the peace of mind you deserve.
You don’t have to figure out the legal system alone. If you are feeling uncertain about your rights or your next steps, reach out to the team at SCALES Community Legal Centre. We are here to help Western Australians navigate the complexities of separation with professional, plain-English advice.